Breakfast Of Champions

It is very difficult to find a working analogy to explain the craziness and exotic sex appeal that only comes with supercars. It is even more difficult to class the many different companies into the same analogy. I’ve been mulling this one over for a while now, and supercars, I now believe, are rather like a good breakfast. You start with a good hearty foundation, cereal usually, a solid basis from which to work on, rather like Jaguar. Solid, stout, something that won’t let you down. And for most people this is fine, in a nice, middle of the rang type way, but if you want something that will truly make your feet tremble, then you have to move on the fry-up, a virtual platter of burnt rubber and scrambled eggs. You have the slightly greasy but satisfying taste of the Ferrari sausage, and the aesthetic splendour of the Aston Martin Egg, you also get the mushy and overrated baked beans, perfect then for all the smaller companies, Noble, TVR, you get the picture. This then is your basic breakfast, but you always have those little add-ons, that little bit of spice on the side that makes it unique. You may have, for example, the ludicrous Pagani black pudding, or the sensible Ford toast. But what I have found now is a car company that is a little, well, jam-like. They have many models, some are sweeter than others. This then is Morgan, with their new car, the Aeromax. It’s rather like marmite I think; you either love it or hate it. Now before you think I’ve finally gone completely round the bend, let me explain. You can’t say “well, it’s ok” or “I quite like it”, you have to come down on one side of the fence or the other. Now after careful consideration, and on a full supercar stomach, I firmly believe that this new Morgan is, for lack of a better word, hideous.

Looking at the press release photos from most angles it looks spectacular, the cross eyed squint of the Aero 8 is long gone; the smooth curves roll up over the wheel arches, giving you delusions of complete grandeur. Unfortunately, as soon as you see the back end of this thing it is rather like being run over, the sheer shock of what Morgan has done to this otherwise beautiful car is just staggering. Now don’t get me wrong, I know next to nothing about car design, I can just about figure out how to make one go in a straight line, but even I can see, with a severely untrained eye, that Morgan have gotten the wrong end of the proverbial stick on this one. Yes, the front looks great, yes, the sides look terrific, and seeing one from either of these two angles is more preferable to having a one night stand with Keria Knightly. But overwhelming joy quickly turns to heart-breaking despair as the arse-end of the new model comes into view, and bang, your one night stand with Keria has suddenly turned into a no-strings attached weekend with Ken Livingston.

But perhaps i am being too single minded, maybe there is more to this car than looks. Well, that is certainly true of the engine. The monster that lives under the bonnet of the Aeromax is a fuel-hungry V8, producing around 325 horsepower. With a top speed of 160mph, and a 0-62 time of just over 4 seconds, this machine will definitely shift. Whilst this new Morgan is fast, and pricey, everything that a good Morgan should be, i feel they have lost their way in design. Now i know that over the past few years all of the small, old fashioned companies have been trying to modernise, to bring their breed of car into the new millennium. But why? I talked last week about the love that is felt all over the world for the classic British sports car, and yet all of these companies are trying to “keep with the times” and be seen as “cool”. Now with Morgan’s previous car, the Aero 8, i thought they had touched upon something truly special. The lights were cross eyed, and it was rather a lot longer than the average train, but god was it pretty. I am really sad to say that with the Aeromax, it just doesn’t feel like Morgan have poured their soul into the car. In the past, whenever your drove a Morgan, you were driving someone’s dream, you were driving what fealt like the absolute pinnacle of performance and design. But now, with the Aeromax, it is rather like being transported into somebody else’s nightmare.

Now maybe I’m completely wrong, maybe it is like caviar, an “acquired taste”. I’m sure the line of celebrities knocking on Morgan’s door will continue to grow. But for me, there is only one word for this car, and for this I’m going to borrow a phrase used by parents all over the world. I’m not angry with you Morgan, I’m just disappointed...

First Off The Line

We often find these days that supercar manufacturers are making smaller, harder, lightweight versions of their existing models, to appeal to a new breed of petrol head. This 21st century maniac is unconcerned with price, is unphased by the mere limitations of speed. He wants thrills, spills, and the overwhelming certainty of an impending accident. Step up the car makers. In the past few years we have seen this lightweight supercar industry spiral out of control, we have the Aston Martin DBR9, their hardcore racer for the road, costing just a little bit more than the average jumbo jet. We also have the ridiculously long-winded Lamborghini Gallardo Superlagerra, a car designed not only to impress the female members of any group with its space-age looks, but also to entice any males in the crowd with its ravenous engine. But there is one supercar maker that, to my mind, is one of the best, they have given the world one of the most successful and fastest cars of all time, the 911. Porsche then, know how to make a proper car, so surely they can make a lightweight version of the 911, to appeal to the new money of today. Well they’ve given it a go, and god, they’ve done well.

The engine of this £95,000 911 is a flat six, producing 415 bhp. Now normally for a supercar that isn’t really newsworthy, it’s about average, and when compared with others such as the Ferrari Enzo or the Bugatti Veryon, it’s not even that much. But remember, this 911 is the RS model, and that stands for Rally Sport. This means firmer suspension, stronger traction control and a lot of scaffolding in your back window. All this adds up to a 0-62 time of 4.2 seconds, and on the right road, on the right day, you’ll be nudging 200mph. Now that is fast. But the thing i really like, nay, love about this car, is that it is just designed for the track, I mean yes, you could drive it on the road, and there you are limited to 70mph at the most. Porsche have designed this 911 from the ground up as a track day car, they have aimed it at only a small section of the market, those people with more money than brainpower, and with more brainpower than common sense. In short you would have to be completely and utterly barking mad to buy this car, and that is why it works so well. Because if you have that sort of money you will be taken for the ride of your life in one of the fastest and the best looking supercars money can buy.

What Porsche have created then is quite simply the perfect supercar. But, will this be enough o put them on the top of the supercar ladder forever? I’m not so sure. You see, what we want nowadays is not a car that can only be used on the track, or can only be used after 25 minutes spent priming the fire safety system. We want affordability, speed, and most of all practicality. I’m sorry but a car that can only really be used on the track is just not going to sell. It may be one of the fastest, it may be one of the best, but what matters more, shaving a few seconds off your favourite lap time at your favourite circuit, or having a car that isn’t sitting in the garage for eleven and a half months of the year. All this aside however Porsche have made one hell of a car. The ride is said to be smother than most baby’s behinds, and on a clear day, nothing can compare to the thrill of this 911. The noise coming from that exhaust is seconded only by the songs of angels, and the looks are enough to charm the pants off even the classiest of women. Porsche’s new pimp mobile has already hit the shelves in Europe, and whilst they might not be flying off like hot cakes, the people that are buying them are sure to be happy. Because truly, nothing beats the thrill of a Porsche. It seems then that this large, serious, German car company has done something quite unprecedented. They haven’t just made the car, they’ve given it a soul.